about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
