Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
