I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
