And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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