i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
