so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
