Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
