Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Please don't give away my fajitas
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