you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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