bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
