some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
