Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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