Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
