she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
