Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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