Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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