I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
