New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
