So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize