i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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