This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
