You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
