NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
