That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
