Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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