Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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