I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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