i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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