why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
