I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
