i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
