turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize