Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
