i think i have two assholes
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
