I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
