Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
