Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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