sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
