I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize