Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
