Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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