I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
