Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
