the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
