maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
