Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
