the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
