help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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