Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize