I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
