he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
