there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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