Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
