She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
