someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
