i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
