PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
