Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize