I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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