omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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