I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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