Porn is love you can see.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
