Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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