i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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