happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
