my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
