i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
