The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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