all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
