Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i've created a new STD.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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